The words don’t come easily this afternoon. I’m used to first sentences landing feather-light on my shoulder and tickling my ear with inspiration, or else hiding away as mute and unmovable as a hibernating bear. This is neither. This is more like a blizzard, the air so full of feathers and fur that it succumbs to a wild gravity of its own, a soundless frenzied dance. It makes me feel hopeful and lost at the same time.

Actually, I think that last sentence could sum up just about every aspect of my life right now. Finances, relationships, future prospects, identity… each one ruffles up hope and bewilderment together into a flurry of… well, whatever this is. Bewilderhope? Lostpiration? An epic sneeze waiting to happen?

This might not make a lot of sense given how much my personality resembles that of an aging turtle, but impending change thrills me more than just about anything else. I fear ruts and stagnation and listlessness more than I fear upheaval, so that first electric crackle of change in the air is enough to zap my spine straight. That’s how it is right now—a white-hot disruption in the atmosphere, a spicy hint of goodness, a swirling mass of anything can happen that I take as a promise.


Do you ever feel on the cusp of a different version of yourself? Do you love change or dread it (or float somewhere in between)?

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  1. Good grief, woman, and you tell me you like MY writing just for a throwaway powdered sugar line?? *bows before the master*

  2. I LOVE this feeling too!!! Stagnation and sameness terrify me, but change?! Ohhh, it’s like a drug. 🙂

  3. Liz – You, lovely lady, are one of the reasons I got back into blogging five years ago. None of this bowing stuff now!

    Krista – Discombobulation, hyper-awareness, a mental high? Yep, definitely a drug. 🙂

  4. I am a more of a “rut” person. I am always looking to tweak things to make them better, but I like the ritual, and the predictable. In other words, I am b-o-r-i-n-g…

  5. Megsie – I hear you. There is so much comfort in simply knowing what you’re up against, knowing how to do what needs to be done, and knowing what’s ahead. There are plenty of rituals that I would be perfectly happy to keep forever… lingering over a coffee and responding to blog comments, for instance. 🙂

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