4Nov

Who needs an MBA?

How to run a successful business at the open market:

  1. If your customer wants to know if the black boots are waterproof, say, “Are you kidding me? They’re made for water!”
  2. If your customer is waffling over an €8 scarf, say, “I’ll give that to you for €7. Wait, did I say €7? I meant €6. You know what, we’ll just go ahead and make it 5 for €29.”
  3. If your customer can’t find a belt in the right size, offer to punch some extra holes in one, “as a gift.”
  4. If your customers seem to be enjoying the free cheese samples, start cutting a wedge for them to buy. If they try to protest, say, “Oh, I’m sorry; you wanted more than this?”
  5. Put a cage of baby animals at the front of your stall—kittens, chipmunks, turtles, they’re all guaranteed to draw a crowd.

How not to run a successful business at the open market:

  1. Talk loudly and importantly on your cell phone. If a customer asks you a question, roll your eyes and huff dramatically before you answer, then return to your conversation.
  2. Walk around with your merchandise in a plastic bag and try to sell it to customers of a rival shop. If they decline, start asking invasive personal questions. If they mention the police, run away.
  3. Sell felted, fringed Peruvian panchos. No one wants to buy felted, fringed Peruvian panchos.
  4. Stare morosely at your merchandise, your customers, and the world at large that just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be you. Earphones are a nice touch as well, particularly if they’re blasting emo.
  5. Hang a garment that is any combination of tube top, leotard, thong, and adult onesie at the front of your stall and watch the business melt away.

The tubithongotard

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5 comments

  1. Maybe if they had it in pink? Or did you want a bigger one…

  2. I think you did secretly buy one…

  3. Q – I dunno, I’m thinking a nice fluorescent lime green would have been about perfect…

    Meg – 😉

  4. I think I saw those in Florence at the New Market! 😀

  5. Liz – Which color did you get? 🙂

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