16Jul

Wii Are Not Yet Fit

Short-Distance Running on Wii Fit… With Children

Me (starting): Oooh, this hurts. Ow. Ow. I hate this.Oooooh.

Natalie: “LOOK! Look at that!! Who is that? Who is that? Who is THAT???!”

Me: (gasps for breath)

Natalie: “WHOISTHATWHOISTHATWHOISTHATWHOISTHATWHOIS—”

Me: “That… is… Daddy, see?… in the… black?”

Sophie: (grabs my left foot)

Me: Ow, ow, who invented running? Because they deserve my foot up somewhere very sensitive on their persons right now.

Natalie: “LOOK! Is that Daddy? Is that Daddy, right there? See the black? Is that Daddy? IsthatDaddyisthatDaddyisthatDaddyisthatDa—”

Me: “No… not… Daddy…”

Sophie: (crawls up my left leg)

Natalie: “Oo, look at THAT one! Is THAT Daddy? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?”

Me: (clutching side, panting)

Natalie: “Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?”

Me: Someone’s about to get hurt.

Natalie: “IS IT DADDY? IS THAT DADDY? Ooo, look at the puppies! IS THAT DADDY? IS IT? IS IT?”

Me: “NO!!!”

Sophie: (swings from my kneecap by her teeth)

Natalie: “LOOK! LOOK AT THAT! It’s Chicken Little! CHICKEN LITTLE! Do you SEE that, Mommy? Do you see Chicken Little? Huh? Huh?”

Me: (seeing stars, imagining Chicken Little in my crockpot, alive)

Natalie: “Do you see Chicken Little? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do y—”

Me: “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Sophie: (wraps around my esophagus)

Me: This is the worst day of my life. I hate everything. I totally understand how video games turn people into mass murderers. I myself will have to go on a rampage after breakfast. I hope Nintendo is happy.

Natalie: “Oh wow, is THAT Daddy? I think it IS Daddy! See the black shirt? See? Is it Daddy? Do you see him, Mommy? Do you see? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? DO YOUDOYOUDOYOUDOYOUDOYOUDOYOUDOYOU???”

Sophie: “Tthhhhhbbbbbllllffffff.”

Wii Fit: “Congratulations! You have reached your goal of: 3 minutes! Well done!” (happy, shiny noise) “You have also unlocked: Long-distance run!”

Me: (has coronary)

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