23Sep

City Mouse

The sun is warm and expansive today after a week of dishrag rain, and swallows are flirting in the treetop just outside the window. My bedroom looks down over an enormous park where cylists are riding in ellipses, the local soccer team is running drills, and circus tents swoop turquoise and white like some exotic taffy. Dan’s office is just on the other side of a second park; I can see the bar where he goes for mid-day espressos in tiny glass cups. On the opposite hilltop, our city’s ancient epicenter sprawls like a cat, the afternoon reflecting off its walls in shades of terra cotta and wheat. The view is breathtaking.

And the wonderful impossibility of this September is that I am finally starting to feel connected to this place. It’s due to a combination of factors, not the least of which is our new house. We moved from an impersonal apartment building in the suburbs to a three-family home in a vibrant little neighborhood, and the inclusive nature of community is working its magic on me. I love chatting with our downstairs neighbors as they cook supper, bumping into friends while walking Natalie to school, getting to know the Napoletan boyfriend and girlfriend who own the pizzeria down the street, buying vegetables and fresh flowers at the open market every Wednesday morning.

Not that community doesn’t come with its annoying moments. For instance, the woman at the pharmacy who schedules our medical appointments is insatiably curious about the nature of our ailments and the unfamiliar details on our personal documents, and discusses them loudly enough that the deaf great-grandfather in the foot care section can follow along. And then there is our next-door neighbor, a friend’s “crazy great aunt” (his words) who likes to ambush the girls and I just as we step inside our front gate and talk for fifteen increasingly uncomfortable minutes about her childraising theories. Both ladies have good intentions, I know, but… well, encounters with them stretch the limits of my politeness. (Probably a good thing to have stretched, in the long run.)

Crazy great aunts aside, I really do love feeling like a legitimate part of society. Beyond finding my neighborhood niche, I’m also doing my best to expand along with our home front. I finally started teaching English to some friends (once the initial paralyzing nervousness wears off, I really do love it), and we’ve been having company over so often that my head is spinning. My heart is full though. We’ve spent a very long year and a half with closed doors, and it’s liberating to open them wide, to invite people to be part of our lives again.

Of course, the country mouse in me wants to scamper back to my cricket noises and single-person hovel. Socializing comes about as naturally to me as tanning and geography; as long as I had access to a library and broadband, I would happily live out the rest of my days as a hermit. But something deep inside me knows it would wither without relationships, so I’m finding the courage to be social—a bit more every day—and as reward? The first delicious taste of belonging.

Find the courage - September 2009

Share this Story

5 comments

  1. Oh, Bravo! I am jealous. I have lived in this house for almost four years and still feel a bit disconnected. I yearn to open my doors wide as well, but only when everything is *perfect* and in its place. Which is…..never. I know I need to get over the *perfect* part, but it is a tough hill to climb and I keep slipping back down to the bottom only to start over again. At least I always start over, and it is a constant goal to feel at ease with imperfection.

    Your home and neighborhood sound delicious and, dare I say, *perfect* 🙂

  2. It’s so good to get out. It makes it all that much better when you go in, again. 🙂

  3. it’s a strange me that i am right now. i feel like the last year and a half has wrecked the social me i use to be… somehow living in a foreign country and feeling alone there brought out this strange new hermit like tendency in me… i don’t know if it had to do with the over abundance of attention i received as a “mzungu” (white person) in an african nation (everyone you meet/see calling you “friend” and asking for your phone number can be a bit overwhelming when you deal with it every day for 9 months or so) or if it had to do with being among so many people that i didn’t know… or maybe it was just pregnancy! but far more often than not, since being back in the u.s.a. i find myself avoiding people and meetings with people and keeping to myself and unmotivated to venture out from my small little world of home. i dream of it though… dream of being the vibrant energetic lindsey that use to run up and down the dorm room halls with popcycles and stay up all night chatting with new people and drinking chai… i’m in this new season of married, and mommy, and culture shifts… and i don’t always recognize myself anymore…….

    wow… i wrote a lot of thoughts… :o)

  4. “Socializing comes about as naturally to me as tanning and geography; as long as I had access to a library and broadband, I would happily live out the rest of my days as a hermit.” This could have been written by me, about me, to the t. Yes, yes. I relate, and also feel how much I love community when it happens: the house full with kids or someone stopping by unexpectedly for coffee.

  5. Megsie – Perfect, schmerfect. Something tells me that coming to grips with imperfection is going to be a lifelong struggle, but a good one — accepting who we are (and how our living room looks) while aiming for more. So no, our neighborhood isn’t anywhere close to *perfect*, but it sure does smell delicious at lunch time!

    Liz – I’m so relieved that’s the case now! I hated the sinking feeling of walking into our old apartment after a trip and feeling claustrophobic all over again; it’s so refreshing to finally feel at home… at home.

    Lindsey – Every one of those changes is sure to make a difference, but I think a lot will fall into place in your heart when you, your husband, and your sweet baby girl get your own house. There’s something to be said for putting down roots in a place and the peace that brings.

    Christina – I think I love the spontaneous kind of community you describe the best; I do better when social opportunities are not premeditated or when I don’t have to think through a conversation ahead of time. Just being with people who want to be with you… that’s what I really enjoy. (Even if my introvert batteries have a short social life.)

© Copyright 2019, all rights reserved.
Site powered by Training Lot.