Disclaimer #1: As much as it hurts the English major in me to do so, I have to admit that I like the Twilight books. True, they are the literary opposite of Hemingway, but sometimes a girl just wants to curl up and devour 500 delicious pages of sap. That said, the first two films convinced me that the entire cast had missed the bus to the World Poker Tour and was taking its collective lack of expression out on teenage girls everywhere.
Disclaimer #2: Nothing else terribly appealing was showing in the theater yesterday. Not that “Eclipse” was a strong contender, but I wasn’t in the mood for big explosions or family dramas. Process of elimination + expiring movie coupons + the girls at a babysitter’s + a too-filling lunch that precluded the possibility of a dinner date = me with red cheeks whispering into the ticket window that I would like two for the 8:00 showing please.
Disclaimer #3: Dan and I brought a bag of M&Ms into the theater with us to turn the cinematic torture into a kind of drinking game: one M&M each time an actor said a line without any emotion whatsoever, two each time a girl in the audience squealed, three each time a glaring plot hole presented itself, and four each instance of gratuitous shirtlessness.
Disclaimer #4: I would like to apologize to my longsuffering husband, my remaining scraps of dignity, and teenage girls everywhere.
Disclaimer #5: This live blog is 100% organic and spoiler-free.
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8:19p – The lights dim. The music starts. We ready our bag of candy.
8:23p – We realize our plan is shot. The lively inflection in the Italian dubbing raises the quality of acting so much that the movie is actually watchable.
10:15p – The movie ends. Dan is disappointed that a certain lead female character wasn’t killed off, and I am disappointed that the hilarious awfulness in which I planned to revel failed to materialize.
10:16p – We go out to dinner after all.
Hahahahaha! You should have done the M&M game for New Moon…and brought TWO bags. 😀 I horrified someone today by saying “Meh” when she asked me, clearly excited, what I had thought of the movie. Hee!
I, too, liked the books. I haven’t seen any of the movies, because the commercials are enough, thank you. I love me some sap as well…
I am torn here: Nearly all the ladies in my life whom I would dub BFF have read these books. I have stood fast and have not joined the bandwagon. And yet, everything about this post (except the part where you read and liked the books) just makes me miss not being able to laugh with you and create drinking M&M games with you in person.
Et tu, Betchany?