My experience with sports is… how shall I put this? Pitiful.
I wrote a satiric sports article in junior high using the Dave Barry technique of playing dumb–saying “touchdown” for basketball, “slap shot” for fishing, that sort of thing–and I had to do research. To PRETEND to be uneducated. I didn’t know the name of a single sports player who didn’t appear in the Bible. I used to think “foul” was just a genre of bird. Oh, the shame.
My know-how has increased slightly over the years. For instance, I learned a few things about football when I played Intramurals in college, things like That is a goal, and If the ball is coming toward you, catching it would be preferable to playing dead, and Always aim for the boobs. I also mastered racquetball in the sense that I stopped losing eyes after a few weeks of playing. This native Texan even learned to snowboard two years ago, though half of Pennsylvania’s some ski lifts did have to be stopped on my account.
But! Now, we have a Wii, and I am vindicated. My husband may have grown up knowing the difference between tee-ball and golf, but boy I can THRASH him at virtual bowling. I have conquered tennis! Boxing! Skateboarding! The ever-popular hammer throw! No more stealing a TV from church to watch the Olympics*, not when I have recently found my calling as a world-class electronic athlete!
So really, the point of this post–besides embarrassing myself–is to remind you to be grateful while you’re watching the Superbowl tomorrow. Be grateful that you didn’t have to steal your TV from church. Be grateful that you live in a country where men have the right to run around in tights, body slamming each other. And most of all, be grateful that I’m not sitting next to you asking, “When is someone going to shoot a three-pointer already?”
*Keep in mind that this was back in the early ’90s when personal televisions were the equivalent of Satan sitting in one’s living room… unless, of course, one were careful to watch only the Olympics, only on a TV from church. The irony, it’s exquisite!
haha! When the World Cup Soccer was going on last, people kept talking to me about it and being all excited and I would say, “That’s the one with the black and white ball, right?” 😀
Also, I found your feed, YAY!
I got a good laugh at this….I still bug hubby while watching football, but drive him nuts when we watch NASCAR.
I played T-ball, volleyball and swam as a kid. No fouls in swimming thank you.
As one whose life has been somewhat governed by sports, I really enjoyed your post. I have had women in my life that didn’t know a linebacker from a shortstop and that is OK, even cute.
In sports I only know cricket and basketball. I used play the latter in school and Indians are crickey crazy.
I enjoyed readong your post.
fouled up, have you?
great post – i love the humility!
You guys are great. Perhaps I’m not so very abnormal after all! (Stop laughing. Really.) 🙂
I almost mentioned the TV fiasco (along with the hell-bound Levi commercials) in my upcoming blog… I love it!
Oh, heaven spare us from the Levi commercials that zoom in on people’s BUTTS!!! What corruption.