How to feel like an adult:
1. Promise your husband an authentic Italian cappuccino, even though you yourself have never made one before.
2. Ask husband how to make one.
3. Spoon coffee grounds into tiny filter of espresso pot. Spill less than 50%. Not bad!
4. Pour milk into frother.
5. Place coffee pot and frother on stove. Light stove valiantly, even though you are still afraid of the invisible killer gas lying in wait to erase the few brain cells that pregnancy hasn’t already devoured. Think, “This isn’t so hard!”
6. Observe steam blasting madly from sides of espresso pot. Smell the coffee burning. Listen to the hiss of milk spilling over the frother and into the open flame.
7. Call husband to help.
8. Once husband gets all under control, repeat steps 3-6. Success at last!
9. Serve husband lovely, authentic, frothy, non-burnt, self-made cappuccino. Feel grown-up, etc.
How to feel much less like an adult later the same evening:
1. Put seizure-inducing, radioactively bright tie-dye sheets on bed.
2. Lie awake on tie-dye sheets much too late with husband, giggling and whispering in the dark as if someone were about to come in and tell you to GO TO SLEEP NOW… which someone should have.
Hey, wouldn’t want to grow up too quickly now…
