Dear Weather Forecaster,
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Resentfully,
Mrs. Dug Out The Sunglasses This Morning For Naught
~~~
Dear Chickadee,
I know that your newly acquired purpose in life requires you triumphing over the glass on our balcony door, but I assure you—that glass is less breakable than you are. Smarter, too.
Helpfully,
A Concerned Citizen
P.S. – How did you manage to poop on a completely vertical surface?
~~~
Dear Elbow,
Please note that slamming yourself into the sharpest corner of the end table twice in one morning voids the terms of our contract. You will be hearing from my lawyers.
Regretfully,
Your Owner
~~~
Dear Lemon-Parmesan Asparagus,
You are delicious. Could you please make my two-year-old aware of this?
Gratefully,
President, Mothers Against Scurvy Intl.
~~~
Dear Imagination,
Following is a list of complaints Management has received over the last 24 hours:
– God looks like Charlton Heston again.
– Those tiny red insects peppering the balcony appear to be mutating and/or planning a coup.
– Rumors are circulating that Steven Seagal now has his own TV show.
– 7 a.m. is bearing an ever-more-striking resemblance to the Apocalypse.
– My future career has shapeshifted into an opportunity to Work From Home!!!!1! stuffing envelopes.
I would appreciate if you could take care of these as soon as possible.
Cordially,
She Whose Brain-Space You Occupy
Dear Bethany,
I love you. You are awesome. (also totally agree about 7 a.m.)
Your biggest fan,
Lizardek
Dear Bethany,
You make me smile every time I visit here. I would like the address to the Lemon-Parmesan Asparagus so I may send an inquiry. I hope that the sunglasses will be needed in the near future. I can attest to the fact that after many (many!) days of clouds and rain the sun is glorious. I also love you. I also think you are awesome.
Love,
Meg
Dear B,
Thanks for making me smile this morning (dangerously close to the aforementioned Apocalyptic 7 AM). And speaking of letters to rogue minds, mine is still rather fretting over this mornings job interview(!). Kthxbye.
Sincerely,
What’s left of Q’s sanity
Love! This is hilarious. And ohhh…I have so many letters I could write.
i so wish I could leave comments-but I doubt this seventeeth attempt will be different than all the rest. here’s hoping!
sincerely, frustrated former computer lover…
WHOA! it worked!
while I have the chance to say it: I heart your blog.
sj
Dear Liz – Right back atcha.
Dear Meg – Unfortunately, the asparagus didn’t leave a forwarding address, but the two-year-old actually agreed to eat half a slice of tomato yesterday. Winds of change?
Dear remainder of Q’s sanity – Rogue minds think alike! (It’s a compliment. I think.)
Dear Christina – It’s certainly therapeutic!
Dear Jo – I would like to apologize on behalf of my comment system for its tendency to eat your comments; I’ve started making sure it gets a good breakfast, so hopefully it won’t need to fill up on your replies anymore. ::fingers crossed::