Mortification Monday, v. 1.0
Chapter 2: Getting Physical
When we last left our heroine, she had finally admitted for the first time in twelve years the depth of her feelings for Igor Dreamboat (his personality, his company, and his theoretical willingness to marry her being paramount). However, two entire months of daily journaling pass without another mention of her soul-mate. Have Bethany’s feelings abated? Has Igor dropped off the face of the earth? Have enthralling family events like the purchase of “Star Wars” on VHS and desserts containing sugar driven everlasting love temporarily from Bethany’s mind?1
1 Yes.
Not to worry. Igor quickly recaptures her attention with a bold move:
Tuesday, February 4th (Age 12)
“Today, in classes, Igor did something which totally surprized me (and embarrassed me a little). We were rehearsing our play for “[play title removed due to identifiable nature]”2 and I was standing 4line next to Igor. Mrs. Dreamboat told me to scoot a little closer, and when I did, Igor put his arm around me — in front of everybody.5 I’ve always6 liked Igor, and I’ve heard from other people that he liked me, but he’d never told me. It’s kind of nice to know that my feelings for him are mutual.7 I still like him just as much, though.8”
2 Let’s pretend it was something impressive and culturally insightful, like “Fiddler on the Roof” or “The Vagina Monologues.”3
3 It wasn’t.
4 in
5 Oh, the embarrassment! Oh, the surprize!
6 For two whole months!
7 Those feelings being undying love and devotion, as evidenced by his physically touching my shoulders and my journaling about him incessantly twice.
8 How noble of me to continue liking him even though he showed affection to me. Sign me up for sainthood now!
Illustration Alert: This entry is accompanied by seven hearts, one of which is pierced by an arrow greatly resembling a fork, and two of which have faces [presumably Igor’s and mine, though the female heart has half a perm — wishful thinking?] accentuated by puckered, thrice-Botoxed lips. There is also, inexplicably, the word “HHHHIIIIIIII.”
Next time on Mortification Monday: My dreams foretell a romantic future of… nausea?
Accompanying picture: ICING on the CAKE of mortification! 😀
I always love reading through my journal entries. Once I wrote “I like jumping – so I’m going to go practice my jumping now before homework.”
HA! No wonder I broke so many bones. 🙂
sj
Wow, I really should start a journal of my own.
And not to detract from the factual nature of your writings, but wasn’t Star Wars too secular and demonic to have wasted money on and we were forced to resort to the library for pursuing such impious pleasures?
Lizardek – Picture’s up. I hope you like your icing red… red for PASSION!!!
Sarah Jo – Haha, I like “practice my jumping.” Maybe Mortification Mondays should become a franchise!
Jesse – You’re right… although the one of our parents who wasn’t scandalized by The Force did waste money on movie tickets when “Star Wars” was re-released in theaters… and also taught us how to sneak illegal candy under our jackets, hehe!