The Sexy Eyebrows Post

As promised, the sexy eyebrows post.

I remember the exact moment enlightenment struck. I was staring at the tweezers I had brought along to college in case I got a splinter and was suddenly struck by the idea that sexy eyebrows might not be a mythological concept after all. In fact, they might even be attainable by mortal humans. Like, say, myself. And oh, look at that, I’m holding tweezers! I plucked all but my four sexiest eyebrow hairs and decided that even though I now looked exactly like Jennifer Aniston, I would stay in school. Shall we view the photographic evidence?

High school–mutant wild boar brows:

College–invisible Jennifer Aniston brows:

You may be [justifiably] horrified that I was allowed into college without knowing the true purpose of tweezers, and frankly, I am too. But in my defense, I was not taught the womanly art of good hygiene growing up. My mother had good hygiene but was far too proper to speak of it, for instance, out loud. I had to personally invent the concept of shaving under my arms, though I self-consciously pinned my arms to my sides for a few years until I realized other women did the same thing. I also had a secret stash of Teen Secret deodorant to replace the rock my mom gave me. (Note: No matter how religiously you rub a rock under your arms, it does not make you smell powder fresh. Possibly by virtue of being A ROCK.) I snuck black market shaving cream and non-organic toothpaste into the house and developed an illicit relationship with Herbal Essences conditioner, but I didn’t think to discover streamlined eyebrows until I left home. C’est la vie.

I also made the following realizations in college:
I can dye my hair beautiful colors, like oh, let’s see, blue!
Skin was obviously made for piercing.
Q-tips are.
You know, life would be that much better with eyeliner.

And it is.